How do you accept something like losing your hearing? How do you love yourself fully? What is the trinity of the Light and Dark forces? In this episode I’m joined by my magical soul sister, Blu, as she breaks down her methods for radical self acceptance, the concept of the never-ending hungry ghost, narcissism vs. true self-love, what it means to trust the Mystery in the presence of grief and limitations, and the importance of activating our non-physical senses. You can find more of Blu at @bluofearth and on the Deja Blu podcast.

AUBREY: Blu!
BLU: Hey.
AUBREY: We're back.
BLU: Oh, my goodness. We are back on the other side of a whole lifetime of experience.
AUBREY: I know. We don't hang out for a couple of months. And then we try to catch up. and it's like drinking out of a firehose of information and experiences and journeys and processes that we're going through. Things are moving faster than they've ever moved.
BLU: I mean, I feel like in one hour, there could be a whole autobiography written. And when you asked me the question of how you're doing, I genuinely don't even know how to answer it. It's just like, where do you even start? Let's podcast instead, what a great idea.
AUBREY: It’s like an archaeology dig. You just start with a few brushes, start going, and then the shovels get out, and the heavy equipment starts to move. But what's been going on? We've had a chance to catch up a little bit, but you just shared some of these deeper internal processes that you've gone through. I'll share some of mine. And then we'll maybe share some stories. And then, ultimately, we're going to wind up together back at Arkadia again, which is another point in time where we're going to get to meet and get to share our full expression of who we are and the evolved version, the version that includes everything that we were, but transcends it into the new place in the own evolution of self that we've been in. But, you've been in some deep processes. Deep processes of connecting to your inner masculine, deep processes of loving yourself. So, what's that look like for you?
BLU: I think what it came down to really was, what does it truly mean to choose yourself? And I've realized that that's not just something that is, right, I'm going to choose myself today, and that's just what it's going to be like for the rest of my life. But it's actually realizing, what does it mean to choose myself in every micro moment, realizing the highlight moments of my life is a million micro moments. And to get to that place of achieving what it is that I want to create in my life, it's a byproduct of many micro moments, made from a place of genuine self-love. And that can mean what I'm eating, or what it is that I'm doing with my morning practice, or who it is that I'm surrounding myself with, what media is that I am choosing to expose myself to, but, realizing in those moments, am I choosing enrichment because of a place of self-love? And if I am, then that creates the next 15 feet in front of me. So it's a journey. And what I've navigated is that this is the first time in seven and a half years that I've been single, and I've realized that I have placed so much need to be validated from something outside of myself. Whether it's an achievement, whether it's my podcast, whether it's my lover, whether it's my friends, whether it's an achievement that I have made in my career. That actually is a never ending hungry ghost that is constantly striving for more, and yet when everything is quiet and there's no one around and it's just me, myself and I, what is left? And realizing actually, I wasn't okay, just being alone without the things. And so, you and I have this in common, once it's detected, once it's brought from a blind spot into a conscious place, then all of a sudden, it's alright, game on, roll up the sleeves, go into the core of this and ask myself, why before I start running again is it coming from a place of self-love? Or is it coming from an unworthiness? So, this is what it's been over the past six months. It has been in every moment, when it's been a challenging situation, have I abandoned myself, or have I actually been there and had my own back and started to self-soothe? So, that's what it means to make love to my own inner masculine and my feminine is to find that integrated point between both polarities within my own psyche, to navigate beyond a binary experience that there's a right and a wrong, which is the foundation of all self-judgment is believing that there's a right and a wrong way of doing things, and then catching myself in this self-judgment cycle or loop that is constantly not enough. So, maybe if I have the next lover, and he'll show up, and he'll adore me, then I'll be enough. Or maybe if my podcast reaches X amount of listeners, then I will be enough. And I realized, actually, like a lot of high achievers are striving from a place of unworthiness, and this is why they're achieving certain positions, and realizing, did I get caught up in this? And it's a constant check in with myself. And so, for seven months, I have been breaking down, integrating, understanding, bringing into the forefront of my awareness that I am enough. If I'm sitting in front of a table of power players, and I can't hear what's going on, and I feel like unless I contribute, then I'm not worthy to be at the table. And in that micro moment, filling it with a new narrative. And what it's done is it's allowed me to go to bed at night now, single and so in love. Like, "Oh, girl, you're soft." "Oh, you smell good." Oh, so natural pheromones, oh, let's bring in, that smells good. So, it's starting to genuinely lock into a point where without saying anything, without contributing anything, but just by being alive, I am enough.
AUBREY: What's interesting is there's, I think, an allergy that some people have to that depth of self-love, because they associate it with Narcissus, which then has become a psychiatric kind of condition that we call narcissism. Now, of course, Narcissus was the one--
BLU: Fell in love with his own reflection.
AUBREY: Yeah, he was out at a stream bed, and he was looking at his own reflection. And he was seeing a reflection of himself, and this is an important part of the story. He was seeing a reflection of himself, which showed him only the surface. The reflection in the water didn't show Narcissus his inner light, his inner beauty. That's not what he fell in love with. What he fell in love with was the appearance of himself, which is a reflection that you get from a mirror based on your own presuppositions of what beauty is, and what society agrees beauty is, and then what you've adopted is that beauty. So, it's falling in love with the reflection of yourself. But people think that if you love yourself to that level, it's a narcissistic trait, and all you do is care about yourself. But when you start caring about that deeper part of yourself, then you're caring about the self that's connected to the entire field. You're actually caring about God through you and as you. And so, it's actually the antithesis and the remedy for narcissism is the deepest level of self-love.
BLU: Because narcissism is really rooted in self-loathing.
AUBREY: Right.
BLU: And so, it's actually, we're getting to the root here, not the symptom of. I want to get to the root. And if the root is my love for myself, rooted in a place of deep acceptance for whatever the most sacred thing is, whatever presents itself there is a compassion and a holding within that space, you become more beautiful to me. Because, I can only give you what I've given myself, and if I'm judging the fuck out of myself, then when you show any side of you that is not the shiny, I'm going to be like, "What's up with this dude?" So, I'm not going to actually be able to receive the beauty of everything that's around me if I'm not allowing myself to see the beauty in my shadow moments. And I think that that is again, the difference here is that narcissism is founded from self-loathing ever part of our psyche or an aspect of ourselves. And so, it's like a kind of, don't touch that piece. And then we kind of create a life that is more sort of surface level that doesn't go to those areas.
AUBREY: So you're constantly finding some reflection, that is being reflected to you or projected upon you that's beautiful. And that becomes a big problem, because then as different people present different mirrors, and you have different reflections, and then you're adopting those reflections as reality, then your own self-worth and self-love is then subject to the opinion of other people's prism, which, it's important to actually, take a look. Like, are they seeing something? Are they aware of something that's in a blind spot? Or are they just seeing through their own prism of their own bias, and their own self-judge and their own issues? And so, it's not that you completely reject the entire field, you're like, okay, I see that. But you also don't take it on as the truth. You have a deeper understanding of your own truth, your own way, and your own light. And in that, then you can actually engage with the field in a different way. And it doesn't mean that when a reflection comes at you that's really off and really misses the mark, that it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt to feel unseen. I mean, I recently put on a prayer and a sound healing to raise some money for Maui, as we were in Maui. And to see, there's a lot of people, and everybody in the room was deeply grateful, and it brought together a bunch of the local community in Kauai to really come together. We raised some money, and Vy and I donated our own money, the whole thing. But there was so much hate from that moment. And it was interesting to be like, whoa, where did that come from? And so, then you have to do the work to check in, and be like, what was my truest heart's intention here? What was I really trying to do? And if people didn't see that, that's okay. Bless them. But unless you really know yourself, and you've explored all the caverns and you understand where there might be little areas where you're reaching for something, where you're putting on a show, where you're doing that and finding acceptance and forgiveness for those, but being willing to look at that, and know that the deeper you look, the more love you're going to find. That's a part of this process.
BLU: And that's the piece that I've started to notice, is that the feedback still comes in. Reflections, feedback projections, and learning the discernment between the different ones. However, what I've noticed is, in the reflection that does resonate, I wasn't in integrity to my word, for example. I didn't do the thing that I said that I would do. And then there was a reflection and a feedback of being hey, you said something, and then you didn't follow through with it, that's a really incredible piece of growth. But the piece of where the self-love, genuinely the self-love that starts to get anchored in goes, "I have room to grow, and I'm not a shit person. I'm not awful and shameful. How could I have done this? I should have done better." And then go and beat myself up into evolving, there doesn't need to be this whole cycle of being, oh, yeah, I have a blind spot. I'm human, I'm figuring it out. It's super weird being human, right? Like, we just plopped into this reality, we're just trying to figure it out as we go along. And there are blind spots that are going to be presented. The more outward facing you are, the more feedback you're going to get. And when the feedback resonates, and when it's an opportunity for growth, it doesn't mean that there has to be a whole cycle of shame that comes with it too. And I think that that's what it means to be your friend, your own friend. It's like, I'm not going to abandon you, I'm just going to see this as an opportunity to grow and you're doing your best.
AUBREY: Yeah, and to recognize there'll be moments where we fall from our highest ideal, where we choose a comfortable thing, or we have an agreement, hidden agreement made in fear. And we're acting out of fear instead of acting out of love, or acting out of our own desire to be called forward, and we make a choice like that. But that choice doesn't define us. The moment that we see the choice and actually go, alright, I could have made a better choice, but I made that choice then, and now I'm the one who's aware of the one who made that choice. And so, we get to be renewed in every moment. I had a conversation with Gurudev recently, and it was really beautiful. But that was one of his deep teachings, which comes from Heraclitus. No person steps in the same river twice, because it's not the same river, and not the same person. It's that old wisdom of the moment that you become aware of a place where you could have made a different or better choice, you're the person that's aware of that choice. So, there's no reason to punish yourself now for the person you were then, because you're a new person. And this model of punishing, it's even a deep part of our criminal justice system. That's a very complicated issue, because everybody's getting punished as the person they are for what they did in the past. And I'm not saying that people shouldn't be accountable, and that there shouldn't be penalties for doing actions that hurt other people. Of course, there must be some way of doing that. But the attitude is that if you did that in the past, could have been 20 years ago, some photo appears of you wearing blackface at a party or some shit like that, when you just didn't have the awareness. Yo, that's not cool, but you did that. Well, then now, that person 20 years later, who is in full awareness, "Yeah, that was not very thoughtful. I wasn't aware of that in the field." But we want to punish that person now for something that they were 20 years ago. And yeah, take responsibility, like shit, I didn't know, my bad. But in that hypothetical scenario, in this kind of vigor for this canceled culture, and holding people accountable for every action, as if we were supposed to be perfect our whole life the whole way through, there's a fundamentally flawed aspect to that, which doesn't exclude accountability for your actions. Of course, we're responsible, and we have to take accountability for the actions, especially actions that hurt people, but also a recognition by the field that, all right, you're not the same person that you were then, especially if you've learned and if you've acknowledged, and you've recognized those aspects. You're a new person.
BLU: And implemented more aligned action. There's the acknowledgement, and then there's actually the shift. Like, the actual actions that align the acknowledgement of, oh, I was actually operating from a blind spot there. And I acknowledge it. And now, moving forward, this is how I'm going to shift my sails as I continue on to reconcile, or even just redeem the way that I choose to interact with X, Y, and Z, for example.
AUBREY: Yeah. This is part of our religious indoctrination, which is eternal punishment for a temporal decision, right?
BLU: That is so deep in our psyche.
AUBREY: It's so deep in a lifetime. Can you imagine? How demonic is that concept? That you spend a lifetime in hell for a temporal decision? But we have that, even if we don't believe in hell. I think even the Pope came out recently, and it just kind of went under the radar. Pope was like, yeah, that hell thing, it's not really real.
BLU: Wait, the pope just--
AUBREY: I heard that second hand. I didn't hear it directly.
BLU: It's under the radar. But the Pope is basically like in an underground rap battle, and he's like, "Yo, by the way about hell, that ain't even real, yo."
AUBREY: Exactly. We'll fact check that, that needs to be fact checked. But that was shared by someone who I trust was tracking that in a way. But still, that idea is the idea that we have, where we'll hold ourselves in hell, we'll hold ourselves in judgment for something that we did way in the past, but it's a flawed system. And I think what the Christic impulse was, what Yeshua was trying to say was that, there is always redemption. And then I think, also that's misconstrued either. People can say, oh, I can just do whatever, and then be redeemed. No, it's not exactly that either. But there's always the possibility that if you do actually internalize, metabolize, and understand the way, truth, light in a deeper, fundamental way, and you bring that into your heart, redemption is always available. This idea of this demonic eternal punishment is of absolutely false construct.
BLU: And it's yet seems so convincing when it's us doing it to us.
AUBREY: For sure.
BLU: That was something that I had been navigating recently was that there was certain decisions that I'd made, and I felt an immense amount of shame for creating those actions. No one was going, no one in my world was going, "Blue, how could you? What did you do?" But it was me, myself and I when I was going to bed at night in those insomnia hours of the morning that I was just beating myself up, that I should have done better, and I had fucked up, and I'd messed it all up now. And it was so painful, I felt like I was trapped in a prison of my own making. I was so curious about this construct that has been built in my psyche that wasn't allowing me to make mistakes, wasn't allowing me to have my human. And also, was not allowing me to trust that the most sacred thing is what is, and it didn't happen any other way because it wasn't meant to. So, I've been so curious, what does it look like to deconstruct this binary concept that there's a right and a wrong within my own psyche, from the moment that I entered into this world into a Christian binary, that there's a heaven and a hell, that there's a right and a wrong way of doing things, that there's a shameful way of being human and there's a whole holy way of being human. So, I'm currently a student of what does it means to recognize that there is a moral compass that sits within my being from a deep place of listening that is founded in genuine integrity. And how can I give that to myself in the moments when there's no one around, in the moments when I'm suffering? Where is the loophole, to gift myself the key to freedom so that I can return to love, so that I can actually give that to other people?
AUBREY: That's another part of this as well is that people think that this idea of self-love is simply focused on yourself. But, it's actually the requisite for actually loving anybody or anything, or loving the world. How you love yourself is how you're going to be able to love the world. Otherwise, you're going to put the same stipulations upon everybody that you interact with and the same stipulations upon the world. And so, you'll hold everybody in judgment, and you'll hold the world in judgment, and then the moment you hold everybody in judgment and the world and judgment, then fuck it. Why not damn the world to eternal hell anyways? All of these people who just genuinely don't give a shit about the world, just will throw litter out on a beautiful beach, or abuse somebody online, or whatever they're doing, it's a clear sign that they don't love yourself. Because when you do love yourself fully, then you're able to love people fully, then you're able to love the Earth fully, and you're able to love the cosmos fully, you're able to love God fully. It all flows from these different levels. Which is why we chose this year in Fit For Service, the Four Fold Song of Solomon, which is the first song, is the song of the self. Like, finding your way to love yourself. Then the second song, the love of your ohana, your chosen family. And then from there, you include and transcend every level. Then, you love all of humankind. And then you love all of the cosmos and all of the creatures. And then you become the one who sings all of those songs in harmony. But it goes in a certain order where you first have to sing the song of the self. So, as we move towards Sedona, which is our final summit of the year, it's about having moved through all these steps. Okay, now it's the song of the cosmos, and it's the song of unifying all of these other songs. But it's an old, very old map from the ancient wisdom, Solomonic wisdom of there's an order to these things. And, to be Fit For Service, it starts with fit for service to self. It has to.
BLU: And the fit for service is found when no one's around. The fit for service is found in the mundane moments when no one's watching. Richard Rudd spoke to me and shared something that really just stuck with me, was that we've operated in a paradigm of survival of the fittest. You hear that term a lot. And he said, we're moving into an epoch of survival of the kindest. That just did something to me, because, since I've lived in Los Angeles for the past decade, I have lived in a community. I'm realizing how the ecosystem and the health of the community is also the imprint of what it is that we're of service to. So, if we're not operating like a shoal of fish or a beehive in synergy within this tiny community, then how on earth are we going to actually be of service to anyone at large? So, of course, it starts with self, blood, family. And then you've got your community. When the survival of the fittest is pushing down to get something and achieve, survival of the kindness is coming in with a mindset of what can I contribute as opposed to what can I get? And what can I contribute is the beehive. Is everybody has a job, everybody has a role, and it's contributing and benefiting every part of the ecosystem. And so, when I thought about the survival of the kindest, well, first and foremost, like what we said, you can only be kind to others if you're being kind to yourself in the in-between moments, behind the scenes, when you're not rejecting yourself for certain decisions made in the past. But, to actually start to implement kindness towards oneself within the micro thoughts of the in-between moments, then I want to give to my roommates. Oh, my roommate's dog pissed on the floor this morning. Well, she wasn't there, and it's our home. I'll clean it up, it's our home. It's not about, it's her dog. It's about, well, this is our home, and I don't want dog piss on the floor. So, we cleaned it up. And we don't make a fuss about it. And we figure out a practical solution. It's coming from the mindset of it's not me versus you, it's us versus the issue. And when we're a unit like this, and we move forward strong, but we can't do this alone. We literally cannot. And we've got to have each other's backs. And so, the survival is actually the pouring into each other, and the pouring into each into each other as a byproduct of how much do I allow myself to pour into myself. I can't give to you if I'm not giving to myself. That would be a hollow expression of love.
AUBREY: Yeah, that's it. And kindness is something that I think needs clarification for people as well. Because there's a coddling kind of kindness that is serving just the separate self aspect of someone's nature. The small self, as Paul Selig would say, or the lower aspect of somebody's expression, right? Sometimes being kind is actually... You have to take that into account, you have to take into account that. But sometimes the kindness is kind of a dedicated service to their higher self. And where I see this showing up the most is actually in situations where somebody has, for example, let's say a situation where somebody has gone through some sort of dementia, or they have kind of like a parent or somebody who has reached a state of dementia where they're highly abusive, and they're actually, really, really cruel in the way that they act, right? So, the impulse is to just continue to subject yourself to that cruelty, because you're trying to be there for them. But I'll always say, that's a beautiful impulse. The impulse is kindness, you want to be there. And it may be the right choice. But also you have to take into account, alright, this person has a soul. And that soul is connected to the field, and their higher self loves you, their son, their daughter, immensely. And if you're actually serving and being kind to the eternal representation of this one avatar that they're in, but the self that will always be there to be in highest kindness to that higher self is to say, I'm not going to allow you to abuse me, to be cruel. Because actually, this is the highest kindness, to the highest part of yourself so that when you leave this frame, or you have that moment of clarity and life review, and you realize what you've done, you don't have to go through the guilt of, oh my God, I can't believe I did that for that many years to this person that I love. Because you've taken that responsibility to be kind to the higher version of that person, rather than coddling and subjecting yourself and hurting yourself in an attempt to be kind, but it's not really kind to the highest version of them. And that also includes those tough fucking conversations where it's like, this is going to hurt, this is really going to hurt some aspect of you. But actually this is in service, in kindness to your highest self. And it still comes from love. The flavor and texture of it has to still be love, has to be with your heart open. Not in a punishing way. Not in an I told you so, not in a I'm better than you way. But it's serving the higher self, not just the lower self.
BLU: Kindness is transparency. Kindness is what I feel, and this is the transparent truth, because being transparent is how I know how to love. Being honest is how I know how to love. So, there's a kindness to letting somebody in, and the intimacy into me you see of my truth, rooted in a place of compassion. But this is what my story or my experience of the current situation is. What just happened is there's like a deeper level of intimacy that is available and can be born from that transparency. So it may sting in the moment but when you take a swig of ayahuasca, it doesn't taste great at the moment. But that medicine is seeping in. And so, it'll make you feel nauseous and uncomfortable. So, kindness doesn't mean, just like, this fluttering around surface level. But kindness is, I bring you my truth, I hold it in compassion, I share with you what I see, I'm really mindful and not projecting or blaming, while simultaneously honoring what is most alive. And from that place, can we develop into another level of intimacy, and a deeper evolution of this friendship? Because I'm giving you my love the best I know, capacity, best way I know how.
AUBREY: Wherever you found yourself at the low points, there's been some low points for you in the past, in this past stretch. And not so interested in the details of the situation and the specifics of what caused the low points, because we can get lost in the details. But, usually there's a fundamental deeper feeling, like, where does the despair come in? Where does the real low points come in for you from a systemic level?
BLU: I would say my lowest points in my life, there's two that really stand out for me. One was, and has continued to be the journey of my hearing decreasing. It's like the most painful experience to watch my world go silent, my world get quiet, and feeling seemingly something out of my control as I'm noticing one sense become unavailable to me. The pain and the suffering and the confusion of why, and not understanding it, and feeling like I could be in a room full of people and being completely alone, and also being invisible. So, no one knows really what it is that I'm navigating on a daily, minutely, hourly basis. That's where my deepest guttural pain has presented itself to the point where I didn't even know there was an end to my grief in navigating it. There's been moments when I've been with you and we've been around a powerful group of individuals having really in-depth conversations, and I can't hear what's going on. And the sadness that I feel like I'm standing outside, because something outside of my control is limiting me from being able to be in the room with all of you. I've traveled the world, and I've sat in front of masters, and they've been showing wisdom that is so right. I've traveled all over the world to get to sit in front of this master and not hear what they're saying, and have my heart drop into the deepest part of my belly, and just the overwhelming grief that I have felt and navigated. And then, from that piece, the other main piece of grief is the grief of loss.
AUBREY: Alright, so, I want to open that. I want to open that first one up a little bit, take our time. So, we'll bracket the grief of loss for now. The hearing loss is maybe somewhat related. But if I'm imagining, and not trying to project what I would feel, but if I'm imagining for me, some of the things that might come up, it might be a questioning of God and God's purpose and God's plan. Like, God, why? What the fuck? Why? This doesn't make sense. And I just don't get it. If that doesn't make sense, can I really trust you and believe in you and fully like there would be some aspect that would be like, yes, I know, we call spirit the mystery, and we understand that God works in mysterious ways. And that's been used in a variety of bypass-y types of ways to explain things. But there's some wisdom in that, but it doesn't feel ultimately satisfying because we want a cosmos that makes sense. We want to be able to say, all right, my hearing is decreasing, because there's things that I haven't wanted to hear, or my eyesight is decreasing because there's things I didn't want to see. Or there's a cancer developing because there was emotions, an energy that I didn't allow to express. We want something that makes sense so that the cosmos makes sense. And so, I could see a place, projecting and imagining more than projecting, but imagining being in that place. I mean, I don't know if the cosmos makes sense.
BLU: I think you hit the nail on the head there with, in my lowest points, questioning if God, Spirit, there is a benevolent force guiding any of this. Because if you don't, or if I don't immediately know the why, then I'm just left in either distrust or trust. And that is a relationship with something that cannot be seen or touched, that is cultivated over a lifetime, I believe. And in my lifetime, specifically, is like a relationship with that, that created all of this. And when there's not a trust in something greater than myself, life can get a very lonely place. It's scary. It's like stagnant water. There's no forward motion. It just sits. And even the purest water, if it just sits, it stagnates, it becomes toxic. So, not being connected to a deeper trust in something unfolding and just sitting on the floor, in front of my altar or in front of a candle, and just being like, what am I even doing? And who is it that I'm praying to, is why is this happening? That's the scariest, that's the lowest point for me, is to not know if there is an intelligence that is moving through this. And I realized that I had to feel every ounce of grief that I could access or was available to me, for me to actually create a new narrative and story. But I couldn't spiritually bypass and just, "Oh, everything happens for a reason." Oh, that's the worst thing that you want to hear. For example, in my case, like one of your senses is sort of seemingly overnight vanishing, and like, everything happens for a reason. I'm like, "You want to fight? I will fight, we can brawl, I'm ready to go." I think that toxic positivity is a very real thing. We can't toxic positivity our way out of genuine grief and disconnection from something greater. And I think that for me, like I'm full planet's in Scorpio, I'm like, I'm all about the depth and the death and the rebirth process. And I feel like I had to fully descend into the entirety of my grief for then to be able to access a new narrative and story of trust that is genuinely cultivated within me, that I believe this experience has turned into some really beautiful gifts.
AUBREY: So, how have you done it? How have you made sense of it? How does it work for you? How do you say when you're in your deep prayers, with God's Spirit, I know God's just a challenging word, especially when you've grown up with a Christian background, but it's called Spirit for now, or source, and you're in those deep prayers, how do you reconcile that? How do you, personally?
BLU: I call in to my experience, something that's going to be a massive pattern interrupt to the story that I'm telling myself, and that can be multiple things. For me personally, in my path, I've had the gift of being able to sit with indigenous teachers and work in the medicine space and the ayahuasca space. I have placed myself in darkness retreats. I have put myself in positions where I'm isolated for a month in the jungle. Rewriting the stories by giving myself access into the core of the wound. So, instead of running away from it, or distracting myself from it, or numbing it, by nature, I desire the extremities of the depth to feel it in its entirety. But something that is not my regular motion, my regular routine, and expecting to do the same thing and expecting different results. And so if I caught myself in a rut, where the same mindset isn't going to get me out of it, I've got to do a pattern interrupt into my experience. And that pattern interrupt, you and I meet in those places. Whether it's a darkness retreat, or whether it's working with plant medicine, specifically ayahuasca, these are tools to give a different perspective of a story that I'm telling myself that is causing me nothing but suffering. Because the story is subjective, and the story is accumulated based off of all my past experiences that are trying to make some kind of sense around what is going on. But that story isn't working, and it's making me suffer. So, I want to understand how can I shift the story but genuinely shift the story from a place of feeling it in its entirety, as opposed to just shifting it because I'm just going to whitewash, don't know whitewash is the right word, but to bypass my own experience, just by trying to tell myself a new story.
AUBREY: So for me in imagining that... And I've had in temporary situations had to deal with temporary things, but they were temporary. So ,there's an amelioration to the temporariness of it. Like I got in that car wreck, and there's permanent repercussions, like this tooth that's just continuing to turn blacker and blacker that I really want to make a gold tooth, but--
BLU: Yeah, I mean, it's really going with the dragon theme, and I'm actually really vibing it.
AUBREY: For sure. So, in temporary things, but I think the universal still applies, which is this happened for a reason. And, I'm going to choose that it happened for a reason, it's a stoic philosophy, it's the obstacle is the way that this happened. And now I get to choose my own meaning for why it's happening and my own gift that's going to come on the other side of it. It's a way that you can deal with any type of trauma, not by bypassing it, not by saying that this wasn't bad, or this didn't suck. But saying that, on the other side of this suck, I'm going to adapt and develop gifts, and be able to share something which includes this moment on the podcast, right? Like part of this, maybe this is reaching somebody who's having to deal with something that they cannot change, that doesn't make sense. We have a brother in Fit For Service right now who has no feeling in his legs, paralyzed from the legs down. And in deep, deep breath work with him and just feeling him process the grief of it, and he carries such an open heart and such a beautiful attitude. I mean, we did kendo and he was in his chair, and he was sword in hand and challenging and brought somebody to the end where it was one point to one point, and the other brother was like really sending it, giving it his best too. And it was beautiful, him fully stepping in and being alright, I know my limitations, and it was so radically inspiring, the inspiration of him. Then he sat in a sweat lodge with us, and we all made room for him by the door. The attitude by which he carried himself, there's inspiration that can come from that and inspiration that can come from this. So for me, I guess because I have to have a story in the superstructure that makes sense, the story that I say is, alright, now with this thing, what is, this is what is. Now it's my choice about how I respond to this and may my response inspire, bring gifts forward within me, and bring gifts forward in the world. So that's like step one for me, even though I haven't had to deal with something on the level that you're dealing with, or the level that my Fir For Service brother is dealing with, and so many other people who may be listening or dealing with that have chronic issues. The other aspect is, I have to understand that my storyline doesn't end with my death, that it's a continuation of consciousness. And that I can't have a perspective of the entire story arc of my own life, in the eternal sense of my own life, and the many lives that we will live. We both are close with Matias, we know that he even remembers his many lives. But that there's a continuation that says, maybe I don't ever figure it out in this life. But maybe in the next life, I'll understand that I actually did learn something in this life that was necessary because of that. And then that allows me, at least hypothetically, and again, I've only had to deal with temporary situations and prayers, that those are the situations I have to deal with. But if there is another situation, prayer is that I'm able to adopt the same thing, so that I'll be able to bring the gifts forward that I need to bring forward. And then also, see that this is just one leg of the relay race where I'm passing a baton to myself over and over again, as we spiral up in this universal raise. Yeah, exactly. And then that would allow me to step into a greater, full trust once again with sources. Because I can't imagine the feeling of not being in trust with the source, which again, I vacillate. Faith is not the easiest thing for me anyways. But the deep trust with source is a core pillar of who I am. So, I have to create a superstructure, a story. I have to live within a story that allows me to flourish within that story, and maintain trust with source. Because I've found that the more I trust source, it feels like the more source trusts me and the more unbelievable things happen in my life.
BLU: That relationship with something greater, whatever it is that you want to call it, if that for me isn't there, then I'm going to be of service to distractions. I'm going to be of service to my cell phone, I'm going to be of service to myself, which is actually... And what I mean by service of myself is almost like worshiping myself. There's a difference of the worshiping myself, and then there's the self-love. The worshiping of myself is the sort of the aggrandizement of well, I am the God. And that also is, from my perspective, problematic. Because when we're full of ourselves, we actually have no room for divinity to move through us. So, when I have a relationship with a deeper trust, every day I'm praying. I'm praying on the way over here. I'm saying out loud my intentions. I'm constantly in conversation with a vibratory reality, recognizing every single word is charged with a frequency that then is emanated out into the world. Every single thought holds a certain vibrational charge that is emanated out into a vibratory reality. So, my life, my day is a prayer to something greater. And in conversation with something greater, I get out of my own way. And that was something so great about the darkness retreat, was packing for the darkness of a tree was the easiest thing ever, because no one was going to see me. So, it was just pajamas. And then when I was in the darkness retreat, I didn't have an identity. I was no longer Blu, I didn't have an agenda, I didn't have a position in society, I didn't have any kind of like ascites in there. It was just energy, that which is needed. And I realized that in the melting of my identity, in the emptying of the cup, of the hollowing of the bone, then I could be that which was needed, which is in co-creation with something greater moving through. But when I'm full of myself, when the cup is full, I am Blu and I am this, and I have put this persona together, and therefore present myself to be this version of myself. I can't allow the fluidity of that which is needed, because there's already identity construct that is so full of myself. So, there's a beauty about knowing my heart and my intentions, know who I am, why I'm here, how I serve, while simultaneously allowing myself to be moved by something greater than myself, and living to blow my own mind and only living to impress my five-year-old self. That's a fun place to dance.
AUBREY: Yeah, yeah. So, the Rosicrucians would say that this idea of being in worship of your separate self is a form of Luciferic inflation is what they would say, right? So, this idea being that Lucifer is the bringer of the false light, the pseudo light. And the pseudo light is what's hungrily and eagerly tried to be devoured by the separate self. The separate self that wants to say, I am Jesus, versus I am awakening the Christ within me as all beings can awaken the Christ, right? It's like the difference. So, Lucifer would be the energy and the being would say, "No, you're Jesus," not the Christ is awakening within you. There's a different thing there. You see it so much this Luciferic inflation, especially in the spiritual community. It's a very dangerous path, because we're all seeking the light. But if we're not seeking the true light, we're seeking a light that defines ourselves as special. But we all are special, but special--
BLU: Does not mean better.
AUBREY: Exactly. And, special means unique, but also equal. That's the place where I think people can get lost. And that's one of the scary places that plant medicine can take you as well.
BLU: Well, that's what I've realized. There's an ego construct that can be also inflated. And, there's almost stages to it of being, oh my God, these stupid powers, I've seen this CD of like my highest expression, therefore I must be Jesus. I am the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. And I'm going to tell everybody about it, and I'm here to heal the world. For me, that presents itself if somebody claims that they have all the answers, they know their truth with a capital T, or they're the ones to heal all of us, I run in the opposite direction. I'm like, run.
AUBREY: Totally.
BLU: It's interesting because it goes hand in hand or side by side with the medicine space showing you the potential of your highest expression, you and your full power, you in full alignment, what you're here to do, what is your dharma, what is your unique soul fingerprint. Will show you that state, won't do the work for you, but can show you the potential of your nature. If we get caught up that that is now who I am, and then we come back into this reality from a place of hierarchical perception. Then this is where we're actually feeding more division. So, it's the very thing that we don't want more of is wars on the planet, the division that is happening. Well, we have to understand if we're seeing the perception that I am better than this person because I have more money in my bank account, because I have more influence, because I have more personal power, because I speak more articulate than this individual, and their mindset goes, well, I'm just like a little bit here, this is actually still the issue. And we're still feeding the divisive nature of what is separating us as a whole.
AUBREY: Yeah. And so, there's an element here, and there's kind of what I've come to identify as a dark trinity. And this has become illuminated to me, through Dr. Robert Gilbert and Paul Chek who've really kind of baptized my awareness in the Rosicrucian kind of model, as well as my study with Gafni, and the Hebrew wisdom and the understanding of Sitra Achra. And I've developed this understanding of the dark trinity and how they work together. And so, Lucifer, and this is just one model, I'm not saying that this is the right model, or this is even correct, but it's one way that's been helpful for me to think about dark trinity, okay? Lucifer brings the false light. It's the one that brings you the light that says, here, here, take this light, this is the thing. You've wanted spiritual powers, here it is, here's the thing. It's always making that bargain. I just demand a little more sacrifice, a little more service and more power will come to you. It's this kind of allurement to your own ability to access the light, but it's not the real light. It's not the light that is connected to the source light. It's the false light. So, bringer of the false light. Then there's our Ahriman. Ahriman looks to reduce everything to a measurable quantification. And so, when you're doing that, that's all of the ways that you judge yourself based upon your bank account, based upon your followers, based upon the value function of who you are. It's materialism and reductionism in the essence of who you are, but you can't do that either. And yes, it has a place. There's always a place to actually measure certain things and quantify certain things, and science does a good job of that but when you worship only that, then you become completely sociopathic. And you're measuring yourself entirely based upon metrics rather than your innate divinity of who you actually are, your spirit, your unique essence, your innate humanity, and understanding that. So, that's Ahriman who wants to equate everything to something that can be measurable and comparing once again. So, Lucifer and Ahriman can happen in the spiritual materialism, where you measure and quantify your spiritual access, your consciousness. Oh, I'm a higher conscience, oh, I'm an old soul, look at these young souls. You're quantifying and then putting on a scale and a spectrum, perhaps because the Luciferic impulse has given you this access to a false light. And then our Ahriman says, see, and this is why now compared and measured and quantified, you're better than everybody else. And then, the third component of the dark trinity, is what I would call the opponent. Now, Satan shows up in the Bible, I think, it's 11 times as a verb, and like only three times as a noun. But as a verb, it means the one who is opposing. And so, Satan, Hasatan, which is the opposing one, the one who's opposing. Or this person was opposing this person. And then Satan is the one who's opposing. So it's the noun version of that. So, Satan, in this model. Again, these words have been so conflated and so used in, and it's kind of collapsed the dark trinity. But to me, I call it the opponent or the anti-you. And anti-you has a very distinct purpose, which is just to fuck you up. Just to keep you. It's what Steven Pressfield would call Resistance. He defines it in terms of creating your art, which is singing your song, which is part of your dharma, which is your soul expressing itself in the work that you do. But it happens in relationships, it happens in friendships. There's an opposing force, whose higher purpose is to actually invite you to grow and become stronger and transcend. So, it has a purpose too. All of these things have a purpose. But it is a dark trinity that can work together where the anti-you, the opponent, can then use Ahrimanic tendencies and use Luciferic tendencies, and set you in this fucking through the dark trinity on this path that can lead to your own destruction, or lead you into some bad scenario. So, for me, understanding this dark Trinity in this way has allowed me more ability to be like, "Aha, I see you. Not today, Satan."
BLU: Literally, not today, Satan. Hold on, I remember making a decision that's had a very similar texture once upon a time in my life. And that led to a whole world of destruction. And it shocked. So, this time, not all that glitters is gold. Done that. And now I'm actually going to make a different choice, and that is where the growth of the soul happens. And so, the temptation is of service in its own way. So, there's a lot of power there in the polarity of the human experience that is constantly designing, I believe, is designing us to evolve, even in the temptation, even in that moment. Because that moment wants to learn and gone into the temptation and now no longer choosing it. In the no longer choosing it, is the evolution of the soul. So, without the temptation, would the soul have evolved?
AUBREY: Exactly. It's all necessary. This is part of the aspect of evolution. All right, so let's talk about, because we haven't got to catch up in a little while. So, my own cosmology has been evolving. So, I want to share it with you. Because I know we journey in these spaces. Let's talk about the light trinity, which I've started to get feel into. Okay, so there's a balance in the cosmos. So, there must be a trinity of light. And so, I'm like feeling into this trinity of light, and trying to understand it. And of course, I'm still learning and I'm still trying to understand this. So, part of me talking and telling you this, is me figuring it out. I'm not saying that I got it all figured out. In the light trinity, there's the force of Elohim, which is unicity expressed as oneness, as pure oneness. So, the Elohim is just the light, the power, the unified field, right? Just purely the unified field. And so, we can access Elohim energy through plant medicine sometimes, like a deep bufo journey. You're in the Elohim in a way, because it's just, if you go really deep, all there is, is the oneness.
BLU: God pocket.
AUBREY: You're just God. It's all the things, or, you can go deep in a recent ayahuasca journey, I went deep into the nothingness of God. Just the emptiness, the deep stillness of presence, and the emptiness which is also another form of Elohim, but it's oneness. It's just oneness, and there's nothing else in there, right? So there's the Elohim aspect of the light, and then there's Shekinah, which again, Marc Gafni has helped me understand, which is very similar to the Tao. The Tao you could say is older than God, is what the Tao says. Who created the Tao? Who knows? It's older than God. So then God becomes interesting because there's a light trinity, and all of these things are described as God. But Shekhinah is like a loving, it's almost like a loving version of the Tao. It is like the structure by which the light expresses itself, which includes Eros. But Eros is not reduced to the sexual, it's modeled in the sexual, but it's about relationship, allurement and autonomy, and attraction. The things that hold pieces together, that desire evermore complexity and evolution. It's like the pattern and structure by which the light comes into the manifest. It comes into the manifest according to these certain laws, that universal principles. First values and first principles that go all the way up and down, that govern how quarks respond to each other to form molecules, how molecules come together to form, quarks form atoms, atoms form molecules, molecules form substrates, and then those form more complex beings. And then also, all the way to relationships that human beings have. Shekhinah is like the Tao, like the erotic Tao of union, Zivug. Like how things come together and how things desire to come together, and also how things desire to differentiate. So, it's both. And it also includes different ethics and the ways that Eros and ethics are involved, because it's designed to create more possibility, more evolution, more understanding, more relationships, more intimacy, larger fields of intimacy, expanding your field of intimacy. From intimacy with yourself, to intimacy to your tribe, to your intimacy to all mankind, intimacy with the cosmos, intimacy with God. It's Zivug, which is union all the way up and all the way down. And, also the discretion to say, not this. I want autonomy from this particular type of energy. So, it includes autonomy, as well as the desire for union. Because if it was just a desire for union, everything would just collapse back into Elohim anyways. If that was the only part of Shekhinah, then everything just goes back to one. And it's Zivug, which is the Zivug of oneness, which is not really union. It's just oneness. It's not actually the tension. It's not the place in between the cherubs. Okay, so there's Shekhinah. And then the third is the Christ, or the Christic, kind of the Christic feeling, which is the embodied feeling of seeing all that is in creation and manifestation. So, it contains an anchor in this dimensional reality. And of course, that anchor goes all the way up and all the way down as well. But it contains an anchor in this reality. And it's the anchor of unconditional love. That's, I see you exactly as you are, and I hold no judgment. There's no grievance. There's no record of wrong that I hold. I love you, absolutely, unconditionally, in exactly how you're expressing. But it has the vision, the eye of the Christ is the eye of the heart. And it can see beyond any transgression, because it doesn't see it as a transgression. It just sees you exactly as you are. It is the expression of the most sacred thing is what is, and it's I love you no matter what, and you're forgiven no matter what. You're forgiven even before you need forgiveness, because I didn't even record it as a transgression. I don't even hold any records wrong. So, that then becomes, alright, now I understand the dark trinity, and I understand the light trinity. And now my cosmos is starting to make sense. And then from there, there's the complexity of different beings, both demons, and angels, and mixes between demons and angels that go all the way through the middle dimensions underneath that. And us, as complex beings who contain our Ahrimanic tendencies, our Luciferic tendencies, Satanic tendencies, or the anti-you that's acting as us, through us, and with us. And then Christic impulses, the impulse of Elohim, the gnosis of our union in oneness. And also, the felt sense of Shekhinah, of the way, like the way the truth, the light, the way that these things are all in relation to one another. So yeah, that's kind of what I've been...
BLU: When you're sharing this, I'm like, wow, being human is so weird. The amount of dimensions, and places we can go, and the expansive nature that anything and all things is possible, and the levels of evolution, the levels of conscience, and recognizing there's eight billion people on the planet, and eight billion different realities, all happening simultaneously. All like radio stations tuning into a different frequency, based off the stories you tell yourself. And then when we raise and get a taste for the Siddiq frequency in that higher state of all-encompassing love for all being, then the next day, we drop down into sitting in the lap of Lucifer and we're like, "What the fuck." And everything in between. And, learning to navigate these realms from a deep sense of curiosity without attaching our identity to any of it is such an intricate dance, and I meet you in this place. This is something that you and I have always had in common within our friendship is, our desires and our willingness and our curiosity to be those little spiritual rascals that want to touch the frequencies and extract the lessons, and then evolve us to be of service in a deeper way, in a more refined space. And so, when you break down these different levels from this concept, it's a concept that is completely new to me. And yeah, my curiosity is an all-time high.
AUBREY: It's interesting, right? That's what I feel about it, too, is, I don't know how this is going to evolve, and I don't know where it's... But I've had this burning... If you go step inside Aubrey Marcus, and Aubrey Marcus is sitting in bed, and Vy is asleep next to me, and I'm just laying on my back which is not how I sleep, but it's how I think. You know what I mean? I'm just thinking. If you ever catch me laying on my back, it's because I'm not sleeping. It's because I'm thinking, and I'm thinking and I'm just trying to work out, trying to work out these big cosmological questions based on experiences I've had, and then bodies of information and knowledge that I feel anthro-ontologically, as truth in my body, through my body I envision God, like what has felt real. And then I explore it, and I speak about it, and I try it on and then it evolves. But there's some aspect of the masculine principle within me, potter, pattern, is I like to understand the patterns. I have this deep quest to understand the patterns. And, through my feminine, I want to feel it. I want to get fucked by these patterns. I want to get fucked by Elohim, and I want to get fucked by Christ, and I want to get fucked by Shekhinah, I want to get, I mean, I prefer not to get fucked by Satan. Although I've been raw dogged so many times by Satan, for real. I've been Satan's little bitch. His little prison sluts.
BLU: This is where we take the sound bites. We're just going to take the tiny snippet of Aubrey Marcus saying, I want to be fucked by Jesus. Just take it, and it just goes viral on the internet. No contact, there he is, Aubrey Marcus doing his damn thing.
AUBREY: That's it. But there's a part of me that is like, all right, I wanna know. I want to know and I want to say, like, no. Satan, my back door is closed.
BLU: Infinitely.

AUBREY: My back door is closed, and I'm not even going to suck you off.
BLU: No. Oh, no. I'm sorry, mom, if you're watching this podcast. I'm not accountable to anything this man says.
AUBREY: Like not even a handy. You're locked out. If I catch you making out with me, I'm going to push you away.
BLU: I will turn out of my thinking position, and go back to my side.
AUBREY: Yeah, yeah, that's a little taste of what it's like to be Aubrey Marcus.
BLU: So, I'm just curious where we go from here in the conversation.
AUBREY: Well, we have a bracket, fortunately, that left us a breadcrumb. The breadcrumb is, so there's two things and the other one is loss.
BLU: Is what?
AUBREY: Loss. So first, we were talking about your hearing. So, another place, like a hard place, one of those deep places is, okay, loss.
BLU: And, also sometimes getting lost is so incredibly beautiful. Because you can find yourself in a new place. And again, for it to exist, everything has to have the polarity. So, to be lost is also to be found. And I feel like I got lost and I found my gifts. I found my greatest challenge is also my greatest gift, and I think that's applicable to every single person, regardless of whether you're losing your hearing. I don't even like to use the word losing anymore, like gaining my hearing. Whether it's that or it's something else. Some really deep challenge in our life is that holds within it the seat of our greatest gift, that holds within it the seat of our greatest service, and our greatest inspiration for others. And to be curious. That's something that I would say is two of your superpowers, that you read the world where there's your curiosity and your discernment. To be curious enough to be the student of the challenge will ensure that the softer we can get into the core of the wound, and what do you mean by softening? Richard Rudd talks about awareness as a series of softenings. To soften us up into the deepest part of the wound is then where the gift is born. And so, what I've actually learned from this experience is that I actually listen more than most. I may not hear, but I listen. And there's a gift in the ability to truly listen to what is my body saying. What is the energy and feeling of this person? Listening into the unspoken words within this space and speaking into it to alleviate it and lighten the pressure of the space. There is a shamanic world that is happening all the time, just because we can't, we talked about this in the original podcast we did. Just because we can't see the email doesn't mean it wasn't sent. There are things that are happening in the nonphysical realm constantly. But we are so reliant on our five senses, that we aren't tapping into the extrasensory perception of being able to hear beyond the words. And so, what I started to navigate, once I allowed myself to go into the depth of what once was, feel the grief of the loss of that, to then actually start to move into the higher expression of recognizing on the shadow side of deafness is the gift of insight. And, it talks about this in the Radiance Sutras, that when one sense is dampened by age or deprivation or injury, awareness spirals inward, and you navigate the world beyond appearance. And to actually navigate the world beyond appearance, it's like a bullshit radar. You instantly get right to the piece. And that, for me, has been a way of being able to navigate this world that has aligned me with that, that enriches my spirit, because I'm no longer distracted by the noise. And so, I've actually been able to get on the other side of the grief to a place where I'm on my knees crying with gratitude for the gift I've been given. And I can tell you, every 75 trillion cells of my body start responding in a completely different way. Well, my two jobs are to listen, to respond. Listen to respond to the nucleus, the mind that is telling me what the story is. And what the story here is, is gratitude. Now, let's open so many opportunities where she is going to be put in the right frame for the gift that she has been given. And I am not any different than anybody else on this planet in regards to your greatest challenges, your greatest gift and there is something uniquely fingerprint designed for you that is your goal to be shared, once discovered. And that curiosity to be the student of the challenge and to listen to the pain actually has guided me into the deepest waters of genuine human connection that I have ever accessed in my entire life, and has created people in my life that will be with me forever. That without a single word were just there. And one of the most overrated forms of intimacy is to sit in a room with someone in complete silence and be completely fulfilled by their presence. And so, I genuinely in my heart of hearts, even when it is challenging on a daily basis still, the trust in something greater is with me in every moment. So I tell you what, I've got a parking ticket, my ability to surrender to a sense being deprived back into gambling. All right.
AUBREY: Yeah, totally.
BLU: The little minor grievances, it's okay. I've surrendered to it.
AUBREY: You're a very magical being. And we were talking about the first podcast that we did where I outed you as a very magical being. Magic is something that we know in our bodies is real, we've experienced it. And we've experienced it in different ways. And, sometimes it's more available than other times. Sometimes, we both are in the practice of offering our healing gifts, both to ourselves and others. And I don't know if you experienced this as well, but there's some times where it's like, damn, I was really in the cut. The magic was strong. And sometimes it's like, I'm being guided to do this, and I'm doing the right thing, but my magic just is not that strong right now. And it's just the way it is. There's different levels, but the point being is, at least for me, and I speak for myself, I'm able to know magic is real. And magic is the ability to move beyond what is currently Ahrimanically quantified, which is the Newtonian physics. It's basically based on the denial of the auric body and the celestial body and the way that we can interact with those, which is now being opened by quantum physics and the understanding of the heart field and all, science is catching up. So, eventually magic will no longer necessarily be magic, but magic is always on the bleeding edge of the science that has yet to be discovered, right? Or has been discovered, but long since forgotten. Our understanding of chi and prana, and how Wim Hof is able to do what Wim Hof is able to do, just with his mind and with his breath, and et cetera. So there's a whole field of that, but magic being that which is currently not accepted by mainstream science, feeling ourselves able to do that, sometimes being able to access like the time that I witnessed you, and felt you in this relationship with the wind, which I recently saw also in the Temple of Athena with Matias. Where he was literally weaving a storm in the wind and drawing lightning down. And I'm telling you, I fucking saw what I saw, and I felt what I felt. And he was in some deep fucking magical shit straight out of a storybook. And so, there's levels to this level of magic. So, this is my relationship with magic. And I think your relationship with magic is somewhat similar, but I'll let you speak to it. But one of the things that I think would be interesting for me, if I'm imagining myself in your position with your hearing, is being like, I'm a fucking magical being. And magic is real, I gotta be able to figure this shit out. And also, I know masters who are even more magical than me. And together, we're going to fucking figure this out. And then the frustration when it's like, fuck, I had that Shaman deep in the jungle sucking, doing a chupa on my ear, and sucking out all of these fucking venom.
BLU: And vomiting. And I was like, yeah, go bro. Get it out. There is a lot of gunk in there.
AUBREY: And then, so how has this interacted your relationship with magic, and an acceptance of limitations, but also continuing the quest? What's been your relationship with magic in your healing process?
BLU: So, I have gone into the state of, okay, well, I've seen miracles happen. I have literally seen so many miracles happen in my own personal life. I've watched them come through me, through other people. I've seen other people go through these activations. I'm besties with Matias, he's doing miracles on the daily. They're real, I believe in them. So, I'm like, okay, let's perform a miracle on my hearing, and go out of the jungle and have this experience, like you said. The shaman sucking on my ears, and extracting, there's context, by the way. In the nature of the story, not right now. And so, he's purging and he's moving it out. And I'm like, okay, I'm healed. And then someone's like, "Blu, Blu." I'm like, what? And then I'm like, "Oh, no, maybe not." And so, there's just a dance with recognizing that some things are out of my control, and that there is a deeper design. And what is actually being asked is to strengthen my relationship with trust that I may not understand it in this moment, but I trust that it's happening for me. And that's actually what's meant to happen, because there's my will, and then there's thy will. So, I find that magic is an intricate dance with realizing that our attention and intention sent into a certain thing can actually change physical matter. And then there's also a bigger plan. So, I've witnessed miracles happen when there's a group full of like a roomful of humans that are all sending their attention and intention onto a physical body. This is a lot of Dr. Joe Dispenza's work as well, and being able to actually heal that physical matter. And then in the same breath, I've seen a miracle happen in that. And I've also seen no changes happen. And so I'm not at all, nothing I ever share on my podcast, on my social media, on anything that I ever do is that I know the truth. I'm a student of the truth, or the closest I can get to the truth as I possibly can. And I share from places that have supported me while in the same breath, I am in a dance with the great mystery and the unknown of that that I cannot, and never will fully understand. So, I have been in a dance of going. I'm super empowered, I'm going to heal my hearing, and then being like, I trust, and you can just have. I’m going to feel it and I trust. So, now, I'm currently in the dance with a brother. I don't know if you know him, Chervin, he's the founder of Cymbiotika. He sat with me at dinner the other night, not too long ago. And he turned to me, and he goes, "I have far too many resources, I have far too many connections to watch your world go silent." He's like, "I'm going all in on supporting you to get your hearing back, because I'm not on my clock. And almost like it reinvigorated me that there's still work to be done here. And there's also an element of where I've just gone, oh, right, God have it. Take the hearing.
AUBREY: It's such an interesting thing, because we know that for that type of miracle to occur, you have to believe that that miracle can occur. Because if you close your field of belief, you got no chance, right? I mean, this is the deepest core of Dispenza's work, which is some of the most kind of widespread access to magic where you put yourself in the state where it's already happened, and you live that reality, and you're creating a belief field. And the belief field then creates the possibility for this magic to occur. So, you have to open yourself to that belief field. But when doing that, you have to open yourself to the pain when it doesn't happen. So, it's this tension of can I keep believing, keep getting disappointed, but then show up again, and still believe, so that at least allows this possibility? And every time that it doesn't happen, I still find the deeper acceptance. And so, that's deep.
BLU: I can't tell you how many people have come up to me and been like, "I can heal your ear." Alright, hold on, let's please not God-complex all over my hearing loss, okay? And in the same breath, what happens if they can? And the longer it goes, the more skeptical it is. Like at the beginning of my journey, I was like, I got this, this isn't happening, no. Complete denial. So, I was doing whatever it is that I could. And then there was a part of my journey where I just gave up. And I was like, this is my reality. And I'm stuck opening that up again, but the discernment of who I opened this journey with is at an all-time high. And also, I'm still in the position of I believe in miracles. I genuinely believe in miracles. And I believe that miracles can happen for me specifically around my hearing decreasing. So, I am in that place where I reopen it, and I am in the place where I believe that it is possible. I'm also in the place where I don't need it to happen.
AUBREY: Yeah.
BLU: And I think that that's a really beautiful sweet spot, while also being in the discernment of opening this up with Chervin, and going into stem cell research and understanding the hair follicles of the inner ear and the picking up the vibration to tell the brain that I'm hearing a sound, and that Western medicine or the doctors up into this point has told me that you can't bring those hairs back. But what I'm also learning now with extensive research, there are results that you can. That's all I needed, was to actually marry science and magic and miracle.
AUBREY: Which affects both your belief field and it also affects the body in a way. It gives the body the tools. The stem cells are actually pure potential is really what they are. They're potential because they can become anything that's the nature, they're the stem, they're the source, they're source cells. They're source cells that can be applied and adapted to any variety of conditions. So, the combination of, and I talked about this with my brother, Shawn Chester who combined deep, deep, deep ayahuasca work with his Taita down in Colombia with immediately following some deep stem cell work in Panama, and found just radical, radical transformation in the oscillation between the magical practices of ayahuasca, and then the physical science of stem cell treatment. And there's an interesting marriage that may develop in this evolution of what's possible for human beings that combines both. And that might be part of this puzzle. And it's really kind of cool to see how all of these things are kind of coming together, and we don't need to silo them as completely different fields. Like alright, let's work together.
BLU: So, I'm excited, and I think this is a really good place for me to be 10 years down my path of going on this journey. Being excited about it. Whoa, that's a new phenomenon. I've not looked at my hearing situation and been like, la, la, la, la, here come the hair follicle. It's been everything but that emotion. So, to rest in the present moment that I'm actually at complete peace as it is right now, while also creating a forward momentum motion of, I'm actually doing some things that is opening up a degree of hope and excitement and miracles, while also at the same breath being completely at peace, that this is my current reality. And I think that's a really sweet spot to be in. I would have to say that it's earned. I have really gone through the motions for the past decade to be able to arrive to this point. But it brings me a deeper level of empathy to people suffering and challenges and l illnesses. And our greatest challenge is, while in the same breath, it's also breathing a belief in miracles and if it's available for me, it's available to everybody. So, that's really where my journey has been with my greatest grief, and also a huge piece of my greatest offering.
AUBREY: Yeah, beautiful. One of the things that we're doing, so, I want to talk about our Arkadia, because we're back again.
BLU: I'm so excited about Arkadia.
AUBREY: I know, I know. It's going to be fucking epic. One of the things that we're doing is part, just a fucking amazing celebration with amazing musicians, amazing speakers and amazing environment, that's created in this kind of magical oasis of the Area 15 Meow Wolf Complex, and it's just a fucking blast. So, there's that level. And then there's the deeper level of Arkadia being an anchor point for the more beautiful world. It's creating a belief field that a more beautiful world can exist, and that there's a place where we can go where there's this sense of radical acceptance, possibility, magic even. And all of these things can be felt collectively, and as we feel it collectively, I remember those times where we had thousands of people sharing an om together, sharing the scent that we passed down to the people who could give a smell for Arkadia of what this more beautiful world smells like and feels like, and how deeply that impacted people even in the closing of Arkadia. We closed the whole festival and everybody comes together in this giant swirling huddle where they're all holding each other's shoulders, and just erupting in this roar, this raucous cheer of, "We did it, we felt it, it's possible." And I think that's what Arkadia's ultimate potential is, is to be this thing where everybody can kind of come together and have this shared ethos, pathos, Eros of the experience of the shared moment. And I think this is also really needed, especially now in these times, where things are very isolated, confused, people feel very lonely, people feel all of these different aspects. And even, I'm not going to Burning Man this year. And I love Burning Man, Burning Man is one of my favorite places in the world. But I've felt the degradation of the unification that's possible in Burning Man, where only for brief moments, does it feel like maybe at the temple burn, or at a certain place, at a certain art car where everybody can get into resonance. But then you'll see it break apart, and different parts as you go to different places. And so, it's still a beautiful place. No knocks on it, but there's something, there's an evolution of something more possible, where you really have that kind of buy in. And I think Burning Man has done a lot of good in creating a shared ethos. We were at a festival in Serbia, and there was just so much trash on the ground. No, that's not the way it is at Burning Man. People moop, they pick up the trash, and you care for the playa in a different way. And so, there's an ethos that's shared. But there's even an evolution of that, that I think, that's the intention of Arkadia is to bring that possibility of possibilities into manifest.
BLU: You can see it in the video footage of the little in between moments and the B roll where the genuine look in people's eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul. The soul is experiencing a taste and a flavor that has access to a deeper level of trust that there is a more beautiful world that our hearts know is possible. And you can see it, like weaving the last Arkadia in the crowd and going undercover and putting my hood on, and just watching people's responses, reactions towards each other. The in-between moments when someone's giving a genuine hug because they're starting to tap into a degree of love that they didn't have access to for the past three months, and now they want to share it with somebody else. It's in those micro moments again that creates the fabric that wraps around Arkadia, that creates a seed. And as long as the seed is there, then we have something to germinate and grow. And so, that's what it feels like Arkadia does is it plants the seed to what's possible. That can then be tended to and watered when festival's over.
AUBREY: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's this giant synchronicity machine, and something that Charles Eisenstein talks about as well. If you believe in Shekhinah, if you believe in the weavers, what Matias calls it, that the weavers are weaving together the right people to meet each other in the right place, and if you pay attention, you'll see, like I've started to see little things where I'll just, I remember at the transmission that we did in Kauai with Vylana, I would look and scan over the crowd and so many beautiful people. I mean, they live in Kauai, they're living in Eden in a way. But even within that, I'd scan and I'd look everybody in the eye, and then I'd see somebody looking back at me and I go, "Brother, all right, I see you." And then we'd have a conversation, and then that conversation would deepen something. It would plant a seed. And I don't know where that seed's going to go. Ah, sister, like I see you. And because we created that, even that small event, it was 60 people or something like that, 50 people. But there was the possibility of some interesting things happening. And then already, some important relationships developed out of that small thing. And then you magnify that by several 1000. And if you're paying attention, you might just see somebody out there in the crowd, and that person might become some deep ally or some deep friend. So, it's opening yourself up to the possibility for the weaver, for Shekhinah, to actually start to work and create and a magical experience. Like Burning Man did in weaving Vylana and I together in our life. Like, without Burning Man, would we have ever met? I don't know. Maybe.
BLU: I believe you would have. I think there would have been a way.
AUBREY: The Weaver would have kept trying. The Weaver would have kept trying and the Weaver would have found another way. So, it's not the only way. But it speeds up the process, the more you open yourself to new possibilities, and break out of your own ruts and your own patterns. And so even if you're going, one idea is to just go by yourself. Go by yourself. When you travel somewhere by yourself, something different happens.
BLU: Oh, you open yourself up, to even a possibility, because you're no longer operating in a comfort zone where we're in a restaurant, and it's just me and Aubrey chatting away. I'm closing myself off to every 60 other people in the restaurant, because I'm in my comfort.
AUBREY: Right. And I think for a lot of people, there's like a protective element, especially for women. There's a protective element for that, because there's a lot of, I'm going to talk to you because I want to fuck you. That's a reality. And so I understand that impulse as well. You want to be safe, and you want to not have to deal with fending off a million small talks as you're going there. So, I understand there's a complex dynamic at play, but also, there's the opening to, alright, what's really possible here? And then also trusting your ability to with love, just shut down those things that don't make sense. And it's not just men to women, it's also, I get that all the fucking time. I see someone coming to me, and it's not coming to me with those eyes and heart open. It's like, I'm coming to you because I got this business idea, and I'm just waiting for that one moment to pitch you on this thing. So, that you can take my thing and make it something big, because you have a platform and you have... And it's like, no, not here for that. And sometimes I am, but that requires a different level of discernment, of being able to be like, okay, no, thank you, blah. But still, the practice itself, I think, is really important and really valuable.
BLU: Some of my greatest adventures have been traveling solo, backpacking through the Himalayas, or just going off and going on an adventure. And, like you said, there's complexities to it. And simultaneously, I've actually felt extremely safe traveling the world solo. And what I did was I opened myself up to the infinite possibilities outside of my comfort of what it is that I'm doing on a daily basis, and the people that I'm choosing to share myself with. I'm also learning so many different degrees of my own resilience, while being alone. And in the same breath to be able to go to Arkadia, whether you're with a group, or you choose to go alone and go on this great adventure that's going to make for a really great journal entry when you get home.
AUBREY: Yeah.
BLU: There is something about this festival that's different, and I genuinely, for the depth of the sincerity of my heart, believe that. That festival for me, I walked away, and I went, "Damn, that was special." And I didn't know what to expect, I had no idea. It was the first one that ever happened. And even when I was standing on stage, and I got the blessing and the gift of being able to give a talk, when I walked on stage, the eyes that were looking back at me, there was a receptivity and excitement and a curiosity. And it did instill a sense of hope and alignment with my life's work in that moment of feeling the excitement of what's to come. I think that we can only create as far as our imagination is willing to go, and I think that Arkadia expands our imagination into realms of powerfully playing, and not overriding that while we're on this path of self-development or path of self-awareness, the importance of play. And it's something that's very deep and instilled in my blueprint in this life is the power of play. But sometimes, my mantra is, today I will powerfully play. And it's not like just playing around. like powerfully play. Create something that is me playing but is really making an impact. And I feel like Arkadia is the mantra of today I will powerfully play.
AUBREY: Yeah. Fuck yeah. Amen. Amen. That's the key. For anybody listening, if you believe in this, also like, we need your help to come and just show up, honestly, because of all of the "business ventures" that I've ever had nothing has been such a financial loss as Arkadia, right? Like the amount. And even this year, if we sell everything out, we barely break even, that's the best case scenario. And so, why the fuck would I do it unless I believed in it? There's no path, there's no financial model that we have where all of a sudden... Yeah, it is possible that eventually this festival does make money. Of course, that's possible. But we don't even have that as a fucking plan. But I believe in it. And so, for people who are interested, we have different levels of tickets, and one of the tickets is builder. And that's giving you lifetime access to the festival, but we're selling that ticket class. And yes, it gives you access and different levels at the festival that you're in now, but also lifetime tickets. And we need that because we're just trying to come close to breaking even so that this is sustainable, and that there can be an Arkadia 3. And so, anybody interested and actually believes in what we're saying, we deeply appreciate you coming, and I honestly fully believe that you won't regret it. That you'll leave and you'll come back and be like, "Fuck, yeah, I'm really glad I did that."
BLU: It's a win-win-win experience. And that's the only kind of experience I like to plug into. It's creating exponential value for those that choose to come. It's creating so much value for the world at large in the sense of the ripple impact that it makes. It's creating value for a sense of purpose for all of those that are plugged in from a position of facilitation or serving behind the scenes. And the gift of what is instilled within everybody's hearts that then go out into the world, and then touch and impact other people, it's just a win-win-win across the board. And it gets to also be a win for you and everybody else that's investing into this too. That's going to be an exploration of how the mechanism of the formula that can support that. But I truly believe that if we all hold this vision, it can be a win-win-win for everybody.
AUBREY: That is the more beautiful world is finding the win-win-win. Finding the place where it's not win-lose metrics, but it's win-win-win.
BLU: Has to be.
AUBREY: Has to be.
BLU: If we're actually going to create a more beautiful world that our hearts know is possible, it has to be on that model.
AUBREY: Yeah. Blu, I fuckin love you.
BLU: I love you too.
AUBREY: You're my sister, in this life and every other.
BLU: Thanks for having me back on the podcast. It's been really fun. We had a little catch up beforehand, but this is like that catchup--
AUBREY: Yeah, for sure. For sure. You got a lot of stuff going on. Your podcast is killing it. Congratulations. Seeing that flourish and as you deserve, and that's Deja Blu Podcast. And then you have some other programs and stuff. What else do you have going on?
BLU: Yeah, so I am the co-founder of Fluorescence, which is a modern mystery school for women, which is a deep dive into, also working with the elements to understanding and unlocking our money trauma, and to jinkies and astrology, and then sending our blueprint, there are many different aspects. We have guest speakers, and facilities that come into the course. And that's a really special place. We also have a social media for women that is completely uncensored. That's like a community of like-minded individuals that are all sharing, and we have marketplace and meet ups. It's really just finding other sisters that are walking a path of deep exploration, exploration of our true nature and then sharing from that place, and having a safe place to allow the flower of our gifts to open so that the world can receive our fragrance. So, that's Fluorescence. And then currently working on some really exciting projects behind the scenes, which I can't talk about just yet, but there'll be, I just signed a 10-month sort of contract that I'm creating this thing that is going to be going out into the world, so there's that. I'm excited.
AUBREY: Big things, big things. Yeah.
BLU: Yeah, lots of magical things going on.
AUBREY: I love it. And anybody interested in Arkadia, it's fitforservice.com/arkadia, @ArkadiaFestival on Instagram if you want to check it out and see some of the footage from last year.
BLU: And it just so happens to be my 33rd birthday.
AUBREY: Oh, shit. Let’s go!

BLU: Come celebrate birthday with Blu.
AUBREY: Let's go!
BLU: With Aubrey and the crew. Come on!
AUBREY: Come on, y'all. Let's have some fun. I love you, Blu. And I love you all. We'll see you next week.